a bit much
Feb. 23rd, 2015 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boxofdelightsMy hard drive died. So far it has been an opportunity to resolve to be better at backups, and to dust all the areas in and around the desk that are normally inaccessible (to me, not to mice), and to regret having given up Benadryl, and to discover that a big chunk of insulation has been chewed off the cable that connects the monitor to the computer, and to be grateful that I didn't discover that when the power was turned on. And to resolve to set mousetraps, if I can find places where the mice can get at them but Newt can't. And to notice all the other things that need cleaning that normally don't get cleaned because normally I have better things to do because normally I have a computer. And to think about trying to recall or retrieve all the passwords that I normally let my browser remember for me. And to mourn over everything else that I depend on my browser to remember for me, like, which of all the episodes of Would I Lie To You? that are available on youtube have I already watched?
Does watching another episode of Would I Lie To You? actually make me happier than sorting out all the crap that has accumulated in that corner of the living room? I don't know, but I know which one I choose when I have the choice.
Today I got a call from the surgeon's office, to say, still not cancer, but the medial margin of the chunk she took out is positive for papilloma, so I should get that re-excised. She'll call me tomorrow morning if I have any questions.
My sleep cycle has been really off since the surgery. Much more likely to be awake at 2 a.m. than 2 p.m. Mornings go: wake up, let the dogs out, pee, make a cup of tea, go back to bed. Tomorrow I will try to stay awake long enough to drink the tea.
I would like to ask the surgeon, "If this were your mother, would you advise her to have it re-excised? Seriously? You're a surgeon, you must know that every time you put someone under you increase their risk of developing dementia. How do you calculate the risk-benefit tradeoff? When you factor in that it has already cost your mother a large amount of money and considerable suffering, and that the reason for surgery was that there's this thing that shows up on mammograms that isn't cancer but might be hiding some cancer, you would seriously tell your mother, that didn't work so do it again? Seriously?"
It is not likely that I will be able to say any of that past the first question mark but I would like to.
Does watching another episode of Would I Lie To You? actually make me happier than sorting out all the crap that has accumulated in that corner of the living room? I don't know, but I know which one I choose when I have the choice.
Today I got a call from the surgeon's office, to say, still not cancer, but the medial margin of the chunk she took out is positive for papilloma, so I should get that re-excised. She'll call me tomorrow morning if I have any questions.
My sleep cycle has been really off since the surgery. Much more likely to be awake at 2 a.m. than 2 p.m. Mornings go: wake up, let the dogs out, pee, make a cup of tea, go back to bed. Tomorrow I will try to stay awake long enough to drink the tea.
I would like to ask the surgeon, "If this were your mother, would you advise her to have it re-excised? Seriously? You're a surgeon, you must know that every time you put someone under you increase their risk of developing dementia. How do you calculate the risk-benefit tradeoff? When you factor in that it has already cost your mother a large amount of money and considerable suffering, and that the reason for surgery was that there's this thing that shows up on mammograms that isn't cancer but might be hiding some cancer, you would seriously tell your mother, that didn't work so do it again? Seriously?"
It is not likely that I will be able to say any of that past the first question mark but I would like to.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-24 01:48 am (UTC)I like your questions, both the one you think you'll be able to ask, and the rest of them. If you decide to consent to further surgery, I wonder if it would be possible to do under a local anesthetic.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-24 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-24 01:54 am (UTC)No pain or discomfort at all during the surgery, only once the spinal block wore off, and much less risk to my brain.
Is that an option for you?
no subject
Date: 2015-02-24 01:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-24 12:16 pm (UTC)I wish I thought many doctors thought in terms of optimization of probabilistic costs and benefits, rather than doing Stimulus leads to Action B.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-24 02:14 pm (UTC)It is possible to say NO to surgeons, when we can SAY no to surgeons. I can msg my doctors through their electronic medical record system -- might that be available to you?
Ugh, medicine, ugh.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-25 03:41 pm (UTC)