My Brilliant Friend, by Elena Ferrante

There's a lot of violence and threat of violence in this book, which I hadn't osmosed from its reputation. The narrative doesn't dwell on it, but it is always there, in the background. As little girls, there is a lot that Lena and Lila don't understand about the dangers around them, so they make up stories that make sense to them.

I love this depiction of friendship that is as important as familial or romantic love. Lena and Lila may go on to love other people, but this formative relationship shapes who they are, and who they can be to other people.

Someone at book group said, about the jealousy and cruelty the girls sometimes showed each other, "I don't mean to be sexist, but that's how women's friendships are, aren't they? You love her so much, you would do anything for her, as long as she isn't better than you." I puzzled over the implication that men love it when their friends outdo them. Then I realized that she wasn't contrasting women's friendships with men's friendships, she was contrasting how women are with how women are supposed to be. Women are always supposed to put other people's interests first. A woman who grasps at something for herself is a bad woman.

Well, Lena and Lila aren't bad or good, they're just fully-rounded humans.