The communication thing.

[boxofdelights]

[In which I am talking to my husband about my reaction to the latest communication from the housepainter.]

Me: "Fine! Here's your money! And keep an eye out for my essay, 'How to turn a disappointed customer into a customer who is VIBRATING WITH RAGE, in five easy emails, each with its own special fauxpology!'"

Hugh: Is that what you wrote back?

Me: ...No. I'm not going to waste a line like that on him. He wouldn't enjoy it.


I should write that essay for you, dear readers, because you would enjoy it, but it'll have to wait until I can look back on it and laugh, because with me, VIBRATING WITH RAGE is more like vomiting with rage, and I would prefer not to.


Earlier, I told Hugh, "The human communication thing. I suck at it. I should stop."
He said, "You can't stop. Well, there's one way you could stop."
I said, "OKAY FINE. I should MINIMIZE my exposure to it."

Not seriously. Except for the fact that I suck at it.


Hugh reads my public LJ posts, and sometimes reads the comments. He is impressed by my kind and helpful friendslist. When I write about a problem and get reams of kind and helpful advice, he is incredulous. "Why don't you respond to them?" he asks. I say, "...."

It's the communication thing. I have some deficiencies there. After I write, I am spent. There is a significant refractory period before I can compose anything new.

Terrible metaphor.


Are you offended, disappointed, or hurt when I don't respond to your comments? Would it help at all if I said something perfunctory like 'Thank you'? Can you suggest anything that would help?


I do appreciate you. I do wish to become better at expressing it.

Comments

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

I didn't answer right away, partly because it's an interesting big question, and partly because I'm reluctant to write anything that might seem like criticism or ganging-up on a friend, and in particular I didn't like the idea of seeming to side with your husband against you, in a venue where he might see it.

But I remind myself that you are not me, and you asked. Like lookfar, I do sometimes wish that you would respond to what I wrote, because without it I worry that I'm being too pushy or inappropriate, and because I would like to be closer friends with you. You write about really personal hard stuff sometimes, and it's good to hear that you appreciate our responses and don't take offence at our well-meaning intrusions.

On the other hand, I remain ridiculously flattered years later by the fact that you called a comment of mine "insightful" in 2003 and went to the trouble of re-posting it.

I like you a lot. I will keep reading your journal and commenting, whether or not you ever comment on mine or respond to my comments. And I'll keep doing my best not to say hurtful or pushy things.