Dear Neighbor

[boxofdelights]

(I don't feel confident that I can say this kind of thing in a way that doesn't put someone's back up. Suggestions welcome.)

Dear Neighbor,

The light over your new garage door shines straight into my bedroom window, and I find it is disturbing my sleep. If you prefer to have the light on all night for security reasons, there are shades that will direct the light downward, and not sideways. I would appreciate it if you would use one of those.

Your neighbor at [my address].

(Also would it be better to speak to the neighbor, if I can find them at home, instead of leaving a letter?)

Comments

[lunabee34]

I do think talking to them in person is better but I agree it is scary.

[boxofdelights]

I will try to work up the courage.

[lunabee34]

*sends you strengths*

[rmc28]

In person if you can, you can say more or less what you write here. This might be a US/UK dialect difference but I would add some fluffiness to soften it:

Hi, sorry to bother you, but I'm noticing that your new garage door light shines straight into my bedroom window, and it's keeping me awake at night. I think you can get shades to direct the light downwards rather than sideways, could you please give that a try?

In your neighbour's shoes, I'd read your original as "person is polite but very annoyed with me and thinks I'm stupid to want the light on all night" and probably I'd eyeroll a bit and then go and get a shade fitted. Because I wouldn't want to be keeping my neighbours awake at night, even if they think I'm stupid.

[boxofdelights]

Thanks! I think you're right that "very annoyed with me and thinks I'm stupid" is how I come off even when I am trying hard not to.

[cimorene]

Yeah, I think it's the fact that your sentences are so very direct and to the point in the above text. To achieve a more diffident, uncertain, apologetic, or agreeable manner, the 'fluff' above is the best way, I think, but it's quantity of it as well. You want the whole statement to waste a bit of time and feel more roundabout, hence the multiple hesitation phrases and multiple words like "I think", "maybe", and "I don't know" to indicate that you're feeling a socially appropriate reluctance to approach them with this request.

[boxofdelights]

Agh, people, why do they need so much fluff?!

Never mind, they need what they need, and not what I think they should need.

[cimorene]

Yeah, isn't it maddening? I'm always a nervous mess through the whole conversation too because it feels absolutely insane.

[jesse_the_k]

I adore your native, low level of fluff!

[boxofdelights]

I love you too!

[sonia]

Second the softening suggestions, and you could also research shades ahead of time and offer to buy one or reimburse the cost.

I had to do a similar thing with a neighbor’s scented laundry when the dryer vent pointed right at my bedroom window. I brought them dryer balls to replace fabric softener and later a jug of unscented detergent. They were kind about it, and it was somewhat better, but they never did completely de-scent their laundry.

[sonia]

PS also you could start by asking the neighbor if they’re willing to turn the light off at night. Then let them tell you about security blah blah, and offer the shade as a compromise, since you also need to sleep.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you! That is a good idea, to engage them in the problem-solving instead of telling them what to do.

[lilysea]

Ooooh, yes, I like the offer to buy a shade or pay for it.

If I was [neighbour] that would definitely make a big difference to my willingness to consider it.

[boxofdelights]

That is a good point.

[carbonel]

It may be too late, but I'd probably start the note with something like, "I've been experiencing a problem lately, and I'm hoping it's something you can help me with." That way it sounds more neighborly and less accusatory.

[boxofdelights]

I'm going to use that language. Thank you!

[corvidology]

Softening the language, if you can't talk to them in person, would be a good thing as would be offering to buy the shade if it's not too expensive.

Your other option is blackout curtains for your bedroom. Would recommend!

[boxofdelights]

But I need the morning light in order to be able to wake up!

I will soften the language and go in person. Wish me luck!

[asakiyume]

Wow, I'm reading this a couple of days after the fact, so you've probably already found a solution. Which did you end up going for?

... I do prefer in person, both on the giving and receiving end, because it allows for improvisation and adjustment.

[boxofdelights]

I decided that I have to go in person, and I'm going to start with "Sorry to bother you, but I am having a problem that I wonder if you could help with," but I haven't actually done anything yet.

[asakiyume]

*nodding*

I hope it works out well--sometimes things do go surprisingly smoothly!

[hrj]

I believe one traditional in-person opening is, "Hi, I was baking cookies today and ended up with way more than I can eat and was wondering if you'd like some?" (Accompanied by actual home-baked cookies, of course.) "And I was wondering...you see, your garage light [etc etc]"

Very much depends on your local micro-culture of random knocking on people's doors, naturally. The responses in my neighborhood would be ... variable.

[boxofdelights]

Cookies is an excellent idea.