white elephant gift exchange
Nov. 18th, 2013 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boxofdelightsHave you participated in a white elephant gift exchange? Did you enjoy it? What did you enjoy about it? What rules did your gift exchange follow? Can you articulate any unspoken rules that everyone followed (like "don't gift a puppy"), or describe an occasion when an unspoken rule was broken?
My book group does this every year. I don't remember whether they started it before I dropped out, but it is the kind of thing that, when faced with, I generally find reasons to be elsewhere. Because it is the kind of thing that has rules, but nobody will tell you what they are. But this year, someone other than me was brave enough to admit to being made uncomfortable by not knowing what the rules for an acceptable gift were.
The six of us who attended November's meeting talked it over, not very successfully. Some people participate in more than one of these, and were more willing to talk about how it works (or doesn't) in their other group. One woman mentioned someone giving broken venetian blinds. One woman said that, in her other group, a sex swing got regifted every year. One woman mentioned receiving a shoebox full of hotel shampoos and lotions, which, she thought, was not intended as a joke gift. One woman who wasn't present at November's meeting was mentioned as always spending too much *and* adding homemade cookies.
One woman advocated for doing whatever pleased you, taking into account the fact that everyone else would be doing whatever pleased them. One woman, who had been trying to express how bad it can feel to receive a box of crap, especially when you have put time and thought into a nice gift, felt that the discussion had portrayed her point of view as selfish.
I would love to hear from a wider network, if you care to post a pointer to this.
My book group does this every year. I don't remember whether they started it before I dropped out, but it is the kind of thing that, when faced with, I generally find reasons to be elsewhere. Because it is the kind of thing that has rules, but nobody will tell you what they are. But this year, someone other than me was brave enough to admit to being made uncomfortable by not knowing what the rules for an acceptable gift were.
The six of us who attended November's meeting talked it over, not very successfully. Some people participate in more than one of these, and were more willing to talk about how it works (or doesn't) in their other group. One woman mentioned someone giving broken venetian blinds. One woman said that, in her other group, a sex swing got regifted every year. One woman mentioned receiving a shoebox full of hotel shampoos and lotions, which, she thought, was not intended as a joke gift. One woman who wasn't present at November's meeting was mentioned as always spending too much *and* adding homemade cookies.
One woman advocated for doing whatever pleased you, taking into account the fact that everyone else would be doing whatever pleased them. One woman, who had been trying to express how bad it can feel to receive a box of crap, especially when you have put time and thought into a nice gift, felt that the discussion had portrayed her point of view as selfish.
I would love to hear from a wider network, if you care to post a pointer to this.
no subject
Date: 2013-11-19 02:28 am (UTC)I came home with a swirly glass paperweight type thing that I really like and still display. I debated the social dynamics of stealing it, and felt that the prior owner was very disappointed that I did so. If I had continued socializing with that group, there might have been fallout from that.
On top of anxiety about gifts, there's potential anxiety about wanting, greed, winning, social hierarchy, etc. I'm just as glad not to have participated in a white elephant party in a long time! It seems like part of the point is inducing uncomfortable tensions.
On the other hand, I've happily participated in swaps where people bring (nice) things they no longer want and place them unwrapped in the middle of the room for people to take turns choosing from. I've given art pieces I wouldn't otherwise have known what to do with, and gotten a skirt I still wear occasionally.