an interpersonal difficulty
May. 18th, 2013 03:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
There is someone who sometimes goes to Wiscon that I don't want to interact with. We have lots of friends in common, but this is not a problem: when they join a conversational group that I'm in, I leave. However. Last Wiscon, every time this person entered a party room or the consuite when I was already there, they immediately joined the conversational group that I was in. I don't know whether this was on purpose. I might just always have been talking to the most interesting people in the room. But if it was on purpose, it's a problem. I suppose I should talk to them about it, but (1) I don't want to interact with them; (2) if it was on purpose, I don't see any good outcome; (3) if it wasn't on purpose, I think a response of, "Now that you've pointed it out, I'll avoid it when it doesn't inconvenience me," is a million times less likely than, "Now that you've pointed it out, I will do this on purpose to teach you that you don't get to control who I talk to."
Advice?
Advice?
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Date: 2013-05-18 09:44 pm (UTC)Also, I'm sorry to hear about the situation. Sounds painful and difficult.
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Date: 2013-05-19 08:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-20 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-20 03:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-18 10:00 pm (UTC)You can also talk to Safety if it comes to that....
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Date: 2013-05-20 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 01:41 am (UTC)I'd be delighted to do impolite things to them at your direction, though of course you would never want such a thing.
More seriously, I can talk the paint of a wall. If you want me to distract someone, I am confident I can do it with annoying stories alone.
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Date: 2013-05-20 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 02:02 am (UTC)I think if I were in your position, I would probably spend a couple more years/cons just walking away and getting angry. This would not be ideal. A somewhat better variant would be to enlist a few friends as helpers so that if they were also in the group, they would walk away with you. I would do that for you if I were going.
If it was on purpose, are you thinking that the person was intentionally wanting to spend time with you for fun, or wanting to annoy you? My guess would be the former. And I think that there could possibly be a better outcome from either telling them you didn't want to talk to them or having someone else deliver that message. However, it also might turn out like that thing where someone thinks that zie can fix things by responding to you directly, like that guy at a Boston con who kept pursuing a woman to "apologize".
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Date: 2013-05-19 03:01 am (UTC)I suspect that "But I WANT it!" nay be in play.
As always, I immediately accept correction from the principal. :D
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Date: 2013-05-19 03:05 am (UTC)If the person was intentionally jumping into all boxofdelights' conversations, I think it was more likely because the person wanted to be around boxofdelights, than because zie knew zie was unwelcome and zie wanted to be a jerk. I don't think that excuses the person at all, but I think that knowing a bit more about why it was happening might help in targeting a solution. (And I REALLY don't want this to sound like the kind of insensitive adult who tells the little girl that the boy is picking on her because he LIKES her. She has done nothing wrong and does not deserve this.)
Of course, correction from the principal is always appropriate.
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Date: 2013-05-20 12:57 am (UTC)I wasn't trying to correct you, just thinking out loud.
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Date: 2013-05-19 02:59 am (UTC)I will pray that the incidents cease.
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Date: 2013-05-19 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 05:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-20 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-23 02:21 am (UTC)I hope you don't end up needing to deploy any solutions, but +1 on the friend intervention and code phrase ideas. An exit strategy is a good thing.
Hope you have a great and drama-free Wiscon!