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reading wednesday
Mar. 27th, 2013 11:53 pm• What are you currently reading?
The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown. Second attempt. I keep flinching at the part where she says "A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men, and children." It's just that I've had to listen to way too many Nice Ladies explain that to me. For my own good. Really.
I want to read what Brené Brown has to say because she says that "fitting in and belonging are not the same thing, and, in fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are." Which is pretty much the opposite of what the Nice Ladies in my past wanted me to do with my need for love and belonging.
But what does it mean to say that love and belonging are a need when so many people don't get any and survive anyway? And what about the equally important needs to be autonomous, to do good work, to live in accord with one's conscience? I'm sure that Brené Brown would say that those needs are compatible with love and belonging, but those Nice Ladies said that too, and what they meant was that I would be happy doing the work that they thought was good for me, and living by the conscience they thought I ought to have. And I wasn't allowed to leave, to seek out people who liked me, to try to create love and belonging with them; no, I was trapped. I had to strive to be loved by the people who were trapped with me. And the only thing I could change was myself.
• What did you recently finish reading?
The Brides of Rollrock Island, Margo Lanagan. As good as you said it would be.
• What do you think you’ll read next?
Best Friends Forever, Jennifer Weiner
The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown. Second attempt. I keep flinching at the part where she says "A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men, and children." It's just that I've had to listen to way too many Nice Ladies explain that to me. For my own good. Really.
I want to read what Brené Brown has to say because she says that "fitting in and belonging are not the same thing, and, in fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are." Which is pretty much the opposite of what the Nice Ladies in my past wanted me to do with my need for love and belonging.
But what does it mean to say that love and belonging are a need when so many people don't get any and survive anyway? And what about the equally important needs to be autonomous, to do good work, to live in accord with one's conscience? I'm sure that Brené Brown would say that those needs are compatible with love and belonging, but those Nice Ladies said that too, and what they meant was that I would be happy doing the work that they thought was good for me, and living by the conscience they thought I ought to have. And I wasn't allowed to leave, to seek out people who liked me, to try to create love and belonging with them; no, I was trapped. I had to strive to be loved by the people who were trapped with me. And the only thing I could change was myself.
• What did you recently finish reading?
The Brides of Rollrock Island, Margo Lanagan. As good as you said it would be.
• What do you think you’ll read next?
Best Friends Forever, Jennifer Weiner