motherlove. money.
Jul. 20th, 2009 12:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boxofdelightsMy mother used to tell me, "I love you, but I sure don't like you." By the time I was ten, I knew she was lying. She didn't love me, and there was nothing I could do about it.
For decades, I believed that this was because I was a bad person. Then I had a child.
My mother was 'accidentally' locking me out of the house before I was five. I know that some children are a lot harder to love than others. My school reports and the stories my mother tells imply that I was an abnormally good or at least obedient child, but even if I weren't: no five-year-old deserves to be locked out of the house.
I'm thinking about this because I'm about to ask her for money. My older brother and younger sister have had lots of handouts over the years, but I've never needed anything. Even when I did need money--
My parents divorced when I was fourteen. The divorce decree said they were each responsible for half of our undergraduate education expenses. Also there were trust funds, set up as tax shelters when we were much younger, which my mother and one of her brothers controlled. Somehow, my older brother and younger sister got a complete free-ride education at Notre Dame out of this, while I got in-state tuition at the University of Michigan. For living expenses and textbooks, I had student loans and minimum-wage jobs.
So now, I want this house. Hugh will give me $180K, which is half the market value of his house. The seller wants $225K. Zillow says it's worth $211K. I'm going to ask my mother to lend me $30K, which I will pay back in nine years (when my kids are through college) or when I sell the house, whichever comes first.
For decades, I believed that this was because I was a bad person. Then I had a child.
My mother was 'accidentally' locking me out of the house before I was five. I know that some children are a lot harder to love than others. My school reports and the stories my mother tells imply that I was an abnormally good or at least obedient child, but even if I weren't: no five-year-old deserves to be locked out of the house.
I'm thinking about this because I'm about to ask her for money. My older brother and younger sister have had lots of handouts over the years, but I've never needed anything. Even when I did need money--
My parents divorced when I was fourteen. The divorce decree said they were each responsible for half of our undergraduate education expenses. Also there were trust funds, set up as tax shelters when we were much younger, which my mother and one of her brothers controlled. Somehow, my older brother and younger sister got a complete free-ride education at Notre Dame out of this, while I got in-state tuition at the University of Michigan. For living expenses and textbooks, I had student loans and minimum-wage jobs.
So now, I want this house. Hugh will give me $180K, which is half the market value of his house. The seller wants $225K. Zillow says it's worth $211K. I'm going to ask my mother to lend me $30K, which I will pay back in nine years (when my kids are through college) or when I sell the house, whichever comes first.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 06:47 am (UTC)