boxofdelights: (Default)
[personal profile] boxofdelights
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In a *Rolling Stone* interview, musician John
Mayer suggested that Tiger Woods could have avoided his terrible
troubles if he had just chosen to masturbate more. Rather than literally
acting out his obsessive sexual urges with a jillion women who weren't his
wife, why not contain them in the fantasy realm? I suggest you consider
applying this principle as you make your decisions in the coming weeks,
Scorpio -- not just in regards to your sexual life, but in other areas as well.
There may be times when you could prevent an influx of unnecessary
chaos simply by conducting a conversation in your imagination rather
than by having it with the actual person who seems to be agitating or
enthralling you.

See, almost all of my interaction with other people is already confined only to my own imagination. Except for sex: there, you can drop the "almost".

Last time I saw my husband it occurred to me that our sex life has been missing for seven years. I thought about pointing that out to him, suggesting that we have it declared dead; but then I was afraid that he would say-- he wouldn't literally say, "well, duh," but I was afraid that he would say something emotionally equivalent to "well, duh," which would enrage me, because every time I asked him about our missing sex life, every single time over the past seven years, he insisted it was pining for the fjords.

So, we didn't have that conversation.

That's my life, mostly: not having that conversation.

At Wiscon, though, I was shockingly non-self-effacing. You know what I did? Well, lots of things, of course, but the one that most purely self-satisfies me was at a Monday 10 a.m. panel where the panelists kept leaving their hands in front of their mouths while they talked. I had to think about this for a long time before I did it, but once I decided, I stuck my hand all the way up in the air and left it there. I think maybe my visible discomfort made the moderator uncomfortable also, because he sighed and looked at everyone else in the room before he called on me. But then he did call on me, and I did say, "Could I ask you all to please take your hands away from your mouths while you are talking," in a voice that was unfortunately pretty goddam shaky from feeling conspicuous plus correcting other people.

I know I don't have good judgment on the question, to speak or not to speak? I haven't had enough practice to be very good at it yet. But I would like to be more like me-at-Wiscon.

Date: 2010-06-03 08:20 am (UTC)
emceeaich: A close-up of a pair of cats-eye glasses (Default)
From: [personal profile] emceeaich
Thank you again for reminding me not to cover my mouth with my hand when speaking. It's something to be mindful of, especially at a 10am Monday morning panel.

Date: 2010-06-03 11:47 am (UTC)
redbird: closeup of me drinking tea (Default)
From: [personal profile] redbird
Not holding hands there is one of the things that was explicitly in the pre-con information; as [personal profile] emceeaich said, it's a useful reminder of something that panelists should be aware of, but habits are hard.

Date: 2010-06-03 01:13 pm (UTC)
loligo: Scully with blue glasses (Default)
From: [personal profile] loligo
Yay for extrovert practice!

Speaking of Wiscon, I just wanted to tell you that the hooded beach towels that you passed on to me a few years ago have turned out to be some of the best free second-hand items I have ever received. The kids use them for every single bath, and then they run around the house playing "orca bat and dolphin bat". And Chuckles sometimes sleeps with hers (the dolphin).

Date: 2010-06-03 08:06 pm (UTC)
wild_irises: (Default)
From: [personal profile] wild_irises
1) Go you!

2) As correction and conspicuousness, that feels pretty mild to me. It makes me a little sad that that's so hard for you.

Date: 2010-06-09 12:51 am (UTC)
jesse_the_k: Ultra modern white fabric interlaced to create strong weave (interdependence)
From: [personal profile] jesse_the_k
Thank you for speaking up! It's hard and it makes a difference for many members.

Date: 2010-06-03 09:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I liked you-at-wiscon last year. May you succeed at being more like you-at-wiscon.

Date: 2010-06-03 11:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Bold creature, I love you, and I guarantee that many others in the room thanked you for your intervention, in their hearts.

I can't conceive that you ever speak when you oughtn't-- which is not the same as being unable to conceive that you've been told that you shouldn't have spoken. There's a lot of oppression around.

Date: 2010-06-03 12:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I hope the supportive ear of your journal audience helps you in your out-loud conversations. *hug*

Date: 2010-06-03 01:15 pm (UTC)
snippy: Lego me holding book (Default)
From: [personal profile] snippy
**hugs** Here, take some of my courage to be yourself as often as you want.

Date: 2010-06-03 03:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm not sure rage in potentia is really better than rage unleashed. For me it doesn't go away nearly as easily. But I can certainly see why you have had enough of it.

Date: 2010-06-03 08:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm glad to hear that you spoke. I had actually noticed that phenomenon at several panels, and had wondered if it was causing problems for people, but having no data on whether it was or not, I didn't say anything. I'm glad that someone with better information on whether it was an issue did!

(I also noticed that despite good explicit instructions and intentions on this point, panelists using the microphones was extremely mixed / spotty, and when being asked to do so, some were cool with it but many seemed resentful, a few kept "forgetting" even after being reminded more than once, and one or two were openly hostile about it.)

Date: 2010-06-03 09:16 pm (UTC)
lcohen: (geeky)
From: [personal profile] lcohen
i think that for every conversation that i have, i don't have about twenty conversations. but i have a lot of conversations!

i am certain that people are glad that you spoke up.

and i am really glad to get to see you, though time was so truncated.

Date: 2010-06-05 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hey! I'm glad I saw you at Wiscon, I would have liked to have seen you more.

Well done for speaking up.


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