Embarrassment hurts.
Dec. 23rd, 2021 06:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boxofdelightsNot as much as it did when I was young, but, yep, it still hurts.
My boss at tutoring invited me to a party for the tutors at her house. She didn't mention holidays, but I decided that presents that don't cost anything would be okay, so I brought a small Christmas cactus, and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom for the baby. One of her texts says, "During the beat poetry session, [other tutor] has an emo letter from a student to read to us and I cannot wait." Beat poetry session? I don't know whether she's kidding. I have some short funny stories that would work at an open mic. No, she's probably kidding. I get there at 4:10. There's a car in the driveway but none on the street, so I double-check the date, time and address in the text message string. I ring the doorbell. No answer. Dogs barking inside. My boss doesn't have dogs. I pull up the maps app on my phone. Maybe there is a Something Ave, and I'm on Something Drive? Nope, maps app says my location corresponds to the address in the text. I call my boss and leave voicemail. I call my son and chat for a while. He's my go-to guy for consultations on human interactions. Also it's just nice to talk to someone who thinks you're great when you get that all-too-familiar feeling of being Not Okay. He agrees that my boss might be too busy hostessing to check her voicemail. He points out that I could call someone else who was at the party, if I wanted to. He agrees that it would be okay to just go home.
The phone rings while I'm driving home. I don't answer. I'm driving. When I get home I get a text: "Omg, I fat fingered the address and didn't even notice! It's [correct address, one digit different from the address she gave me]". I realize that I should call her back, or text her back, and acknowledge what happened, but all my social-interaction wherewithal is gone. I'm thinking about the fact that mistyping your address is the kind of trick your subconscious pulls when you feel like you have to invite someone that you don't want. I don't know why my boss would feel like she had to invite me if she didn't want to, but I don't understand people, so.
All my life I've been reproached for not doing my share of the social-interaction work, but I work so hard at it! And it hurts!
My boss at tutoring invited me to a party for the tutors at her house. She didn't mention holidays, but I decided that presents that don't cost anything would be okay, so I brought a small Christmas cactus, and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom for the baby. One of her texts says, "During the beat poetry session, [other tutor] has an emo letter from a student to read to us and I cannot wait." Beat poetry session? I don't know whether she's kidding. I have some short funny stories that would work at an open mic. No, she's probably kidding. I get there at 4:10. There's a car in the driveway but none on the street, so I double-check the date, time and address in the text message string. I ring the doorbell. No answer. Dogs barking inside. My boss doesn't have dogs. I pull up the maps app on my phone. Maybe there is a Something Ave, and I'm on Something Drive? Nope, maps app says my location corresponds to the address in the text. I call my boss and leave voicemail. I call my son and chat for a while. He's my go-to guy for consultations on human interactions. Also it's just nice to talk to someone who thinks you're great when you get that all-too-familiar feeling of being Not Okay. He agrees that my boss might be too busy hostessing to check her voicemail. He points out that I could call someone else who was at the party, if I wanted to. He agrees that it would be okay to just go home.
The phone rings while I'm driving home. I don't answer. I'm driving. When I get home I get a text: "Omg, I fat fingered the address and didn't even notice! It's [correct address, one digit different from the address she gave me]". I realize that I should call her back, or text her back, and acknowledge what happened, but all my social-interaction wherewithal is gone. I'm thinking about the fact that mistyping your address is the kind of trick your subconscious pulls when you feel like you have to invite someone that you don't want. I don't know why my boss would feel like she had to invite me if she didn't want to, but I don't understand people, so.
All my life I've been reproached for not doing my share of the social-interaction work, but I work so hard at it! And it hurts!
no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 03:57 am (UTC)Also, I just got a copy of "Box of Delights" by John Masefield from the library! I've always liked your username, but didn't know it was a reference.
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Date: 2021-12-24 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-26 07:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 04:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 09:04 am (UTC)I've definitely mistyped things, and even outright left someone off an invitation once, without malicious intent and when I did actually want to see that person.
Some people play power games, including in the workplace, but I've found I do best if I take people's words at face value, or at least act as if I do while accumulating data. I also find a certain petty satisfaction in being consistently earnestly straightforward with and about someone who (I suspect) is trying to play power games with me.
So in your case, I would (try) not to look for any hidden message in the typo, and when able to, send a message back saying something like "oh dear, that happens, I'm afraid I was already home again before I could read your text, hope the party went well". If they were trying to exclude you or make you feel small, you aren't giving them the satisfaction, and if they made a genuine mistake, they don't need you to make them feel bad about it.
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Date: 2021-12-30 04:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 10:18 am (UTC)I suspect there was no malicious intent. I type things wrong all the time. In fact, I've noticed since I started my latest medicine that I consistently leave words out and/or type the wrong words and it drives me nuts since it's kinda my job to write well. But you know your situation best, and maybe your boss did mean to leave you out in which case fuck her and the horse she rode in on.
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Date: 2021-12-30 05:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-30 11:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 11:42 am (UTC)ESPECIALLY if they're tired/busy/stressed, which between COVID and Christmas pretty much the whole world is right now...
Unless you have other data, I very much doubt it was deliberate or even subconscious...
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Date: 2021-12-31 07:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 12:54 pm (UTC)You've done your share in thinking about gifts, getting out in the car and turning up where and when asked. Going home at the pont of failure was fine too.
But, I agree, I'd tend to overthink that typo too.
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Date: 2022-01-01 06:32 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting.
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Date: 2021-12-24 02:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-01 06:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 03:21 pm (UTC)Yeah, social interaction is definitely work -- and sometime painful. Gah, being human is not all fun & games.
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Date: 2022-01-01 06:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-01 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-24 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-01 06:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-25 12:17 am (UTC)Ughhhhh.
You did your best!
It's easy for me to say from my retired perch, but bosses and parties go together like mayonnaise and peppermint stick ice cream.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-30 06:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-31 01:39 am (UTC)I read it in a Heinlein juvenile in 4th grade, and wow howdy it stuck.