a thing that happened.

[boxofdelights]

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Susan." I said "yes" and turned around and found myself face to face with The Person at Wiscon I Don't Want To Interact With. I thought I had girded my loins for this. I was going to continue to refuse to interact with them (yes, even when you lean out of your chair at a 45-degree angle and wave your whole arm and spread hand in front of me, I cannot see you, is it not amazing) unless they forced me to, and then I would say clearly and firmly, "I still don't want to interact with you," and not care if I got judged to be a bitch.

I think if I had seen them coming, I would have been able to pull up my big-girl loin girds and do that. But they came from behind, and suddenly there we were, less than a foot apart and in conversation already.

Ten years of refusing to interact down the drain, because now they can say, "How was I supposed to know you didn't want to interact? We had a perfectly fine conversation at Wiscon 39!"

Swearword.

Comments

[jae]

I'm very glad I don't go to Wiscon, because if I did, I'd totally be paranoid that you were talking about me. *g*

-J

[boxofdelights]

Do you feel ignored? I am sorry! I am pretty terrible at communication most of the time, in a read-but-don't-write sort of way, and if you decide that it's not worth sticking around for the moments when I do manage to do my share of the work of communication, I will be sad but I will know that it is my fault.

This past year I've been even more anxious than usual, because of two (unrelated) friendships that ended abruptly because the other person got mad at something I said. (I think. One of them I'm sure of, because she told me to shut up and threatened to drop the internet on my head; the other just dropped me without saying anything, so I had to try to figure it out from her hints.) They left me second-guessing everything it occurred to me to write, trying to imagine and forestall every way it could go wrong.

tl;dr It is so not you.

[jae]

Oh, no, I was just joking! (I mean, realistically people wouldn't tend to write posts like that in a place where the person in question is likely to read them.)

To the limited extent to which I actually meant that I would think that under those circumstances, I was poking fun at myself, not admonishing you. Sorry it came out wrong.

-J

[sonia]

:-(

I'm curious about "How was I supposed to know..." There's no way they could know? Or (seems more likely to me) have they erected a wall against the signals you've been sending? Their failure to pay attention is not your failure to communicate.

The whole situation sounds so frustrating! Wishing/hoping for some elegant, kind solution to occur.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.

[seascribble]

Ten years of purposefully not talking to me seems like a pretty clear signal. I'm sorry that happened, and I hope it doesn't become a painful issue for you in the future. *hugs*

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.

[umadoshi]

*winces* I'm sorry to hear that. :/

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.

[jiawen]

If you'd like someone to transmit a message to this person, such as "She does not ever want to interact with you", I volunteer.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.

I'm sorry we didn't talk at all this time! I didn't see you until Monday in the consuite, and you were gone again before the end of my conversation with wired.

[jiawen]

Twas ever thus, right? Seems like WisCon is always "700 cool people I need to have conversations with, only time to talk to 20". Hopefully next year! :)

[jiawen]

Also, if you'd like someone to back you up while you tell them yourself, I also volunteer for that. I generally volunteer to help in whatever way I can.

[bibliofile]

Or me. Especially if you think I might know them.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.

[jinian]

I am making inarticulate frustrated noises on your behalf.

And I hope I can reserve a meal with you at next Wiscon, which I am already planning for. I've missed seeing you.

[boxofdelights]

I had spinach pie at Nick's and missed you!

[siderea]

Wow, that sucks. I'm sorry it happened to you.

Ten years of refusing to interact down the drain, because now they can say, "How was I supposed to know you didn't want to interact? We had a perfectly fine conversation at Wiscon 39!"

Well, no, because what you wanted, past-tense, is not at issue. The point is, going forward, you would prefer they leave you alone. The answer to "How was I supposed to know?" is "You know now."

[boxofdelights]

Thank you. I can't figure out how you did it, but this is the first time someone has talked to me about what to do going forward without making me balk because, if I only deal with what happens from this point forward, that implies that everything that happened before this point is okay. Do you know what I mean?

[siderea]

No, not really. But I'm glad it was helpful! Were other people talking about it like you would have to break the news to him gently or something?

[firecat]

It sucks that you were cornered. I concur with the folks saying that having been surprised into one conversation with them doesn't mean you have to interact with them in the future.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.

[jesse_the_k]

Even being corner by someone you want to be with is sucky.

My sympathies and support.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.

[silveradept]

That seems like a planned ambush rather than a chance interaction. At which point, you could give them both barrels about not wanting to interact and how their decision to sneak up on you was worse.