shenanigans

Someone broke into my husband's house today, rearranged the furniture, overlooked his laptop and other shiny electronics, and stole his mother's underwear bag.

Not really. But it was very hard to convince her that that hadn't happened. My husband spent two hours helping her search his house for her essential foundation garments ("Did you check the freezer?" I asked. He had checked the freezer. And the fridge. And the lettuce drawer in the fridge.)

He kept trying to convince her that there couldn't have been a burglary.
"Then one of the friends must have taken it."
"What friends?"
"You know, all those people that were here before."
"There weren't any people here except you and me and Nixie and Mungo. Susan was here earlier, but she didn't come back here after dinner, and you said you were wearing it at dinner."
"Well, I didn't eat it!"
Can't argue with that.

Then he took her to the store to replace the most essential garment. They went to one store, which didn't have them, and another store which did, but she decided not to buy one there. In fact, she remembered, she hadn't brought one from Michigan. In fact, she didn't wear them anymore. She couldn't get them to fit comfortably.


In other shenanigans, I have two teenagers with teenage social lives and teenage planning skills. Neither of them can drive now. I'm still waiting for one of them to tell me where to pick her up so I can take her back to her dad's house. A half hour's drive away. And then another half hour home, for me. She can't sleep here because she didn't bring her contact lens case.


The dogs are also not pleased with today, except for Kitsu, who managed to empty the garbage and raid the pantry. She got most of a package of Ginger-Os. She also chewed up a box of teabags. "Tea bags?" I asked her. "What were you thinking?" She looked at me quizzically. Thinking?


I said to my husband, "Three goddam dogs are easier than one senile old lady."
He said, "At least the old lady doesn't shit on the floor."
I said, "Not yet."