(no subject)

[boxofdelights]

Mungo won the Patrick Gilmore award, which his high school gives to its outstanding freshman music student. It's kind of a big deal.

I can't decide whether to tell my mother. Naches are a gift, you know? And people who look gifts in the mouth shouldn't necessarily be expecting to receive more. And in my last phone call I mentioned that Nixie has planned out her entire three remaining years at Reed, because she wants to take all fifteen Psych classes Reed offers and enough other things to fill an extra major or two, so she had to get permission from a prof to take a senior-level class next semester, but that was easy because it was the same prof who wants her to TA for the class she just finished.

And my mother said in this oh-dear voice, "Do you think she'll go on to grad school?"

And I said that although I thought it was silly to expect a college freshman to have chosen a career, Nixie was planning to be a neurobiologist, as she has since tenth grade, so there were necessarily going to be lots more years of school after Reed.

And I tried to keep my irritation out of my voice, but I must have failed, because my mother said, "Well, I'm just concerned for her. I don't know what she can do with a bachelor's degree in psychology."[*]


And this is a common occurrence in my conversations with my mother. About this time last year, I remember, my mother asked how Nixie's graduation went. I said it was fine. She said, "Didn't she graduate?" as if that were a natural followup to what I said. Yes, she graduated, with honors, from her honors IB program, with a National Honor Society tassel on her graduation cap, which she wore to her graduation. Which you would know if the cognitive dissonance you experience at anything good being produced by me had not erased that information from your brain.

It turned out that what she wanted to talk about was my awesome nephew's graduation, which she got to attend because my sister invited her. Still. "Didn't she graduate?"

[*]Recognizing this as concern-trolling makes me grateful to you, and you, and everyone who has made up my online social life. Vocal conversations are too quick and too ephemeral for me to understand much about what just happened there. I've learned so much about human interaction from written conversation, which sticks around to be studied, and especially from other people's comments on written conversation, which names concepts like "concern-trolling" and pins them up for study.

Comments

[redbird]

Not telling your mother seems like the better course: it doesn't seem as though she's going to be sending Mungo congratulations or doing/saying anything else that the kids would benefit from.

[wordweaverlynn]

*facepalm*

Why do you refuse to conform to her safe, comfortable, rigid view of the world? She assigned you a box -- the Bad Box. If you were truly grateful for all her sacrifices, you'd stay in that box. It's nice and airtight. It shouldn't take long....

Sorry for the riff. But yeesh. You have an Honor Society daughter at one of the best colleges in the US. She's planned out a demanding educational path and shows every sign of the drive, intelligence, perseverance, and character to follow that path to substantial achievement. And your mother is all "Didn't she graduate?" WTF is wrong with her?

Also, congratulations to Mungo for the award, to Nixie for her achievements, and to you for bearing and raising them. Clearly you have done a *lot* right.

[boxofdelights]

Love you.
Love you for understanding.
Love you for reminding me that the world is full of people who can really really hear what I'm saying.

[jesse_the_k]

Thanks for your asterisk, because you've put into words what I love best about our multilogues here: learning handles on the rhetorical levers which people can use to do more than just share.

Mothers. Feh.

Mungo! Nixie! Wow! That's very cool, and I hope you take great pride in how you support their creativity, drive, and intelligence.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

Go Mungo! Excellent news.

Also, go Nixie for planning ahead towards her goals. Dude.

[boxofdelights]

See, that's how it's supposed to go!

[beaq.livejournal.com]

How cool are they, or what?

I don't even know what to say about your mother.

[boxofdelights]

They are.

What can you say? My eyes roll on forever.

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

Speaking of naches, MAZAL TOV! Your children are so fantastic. I love it when you write about them. I love stories about people's children being great and smart and interested in good things.

I also have a mom who comes out with crazily passive-aggressive or covertly hostile statements. The difference is, I'm quick to recognize what she's doing, to react and to have a huge escalation. It's probably better to withhold information, in some ways.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you!

[jinian.livejournal.com]

Both of your kids are so awesome, as are you. Nixie'll probably go to the kind of grad school you get paid enough to live during, even. And outstanding freshman music student, wow.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you!

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

I don't know what naches is/are, but my lord, your mother is mine.

Let's lock them up together and find out who wins the deathbattle, okay? :D

I plan to come up to FC on Friday and would love to see you if that's possible.

[boxofdelights]

Would love to see you too.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

I'll be up by around 10:30 and need to leave no later than 4:15. Within those parameters I have only one trivial errand, and can flex. Could I take you to lunch? *love*

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

Assuming I haven't heard anything by 8:00 tomorrow I'll then assume you're not available and contact another FC friend.

*love*

[boxofdelights]

I'll be available, and would love to have lunch with you. My husband had a small flood in his basement, so I have to go to Masonville at some point to let the restoration guy in!

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

Tell me a time and place that are good for you.

[boxofdelights]

Okay, how about 11, 11:30, or 12, and do you like Fish? Have you ever been there? Or the lunch buffet at the Taj Mahal?

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

Whichever of those times you like. Either venue is fine with me. Just choose and I'll be thrilled to meet you there.

[boxofdelights]

Okay, 11:30 at Fish. Maybe we'll get the waiter who called me "my dove"!

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

That will be scary.

It reminds me obscurely that I should sing you Chun Woo's and my little Surprise Song. :D

See you a bit later today!

[labluething.livejournal.com]

Wow. I kind of get the feeling that your mother's expectations are, like, asymptotic or something. It's hard for me even to really comprehend being "concerned" about something like that, like, literally, I can't see where she's seeing the problem.

[boxofdelights]

I know! I mean, I don't know what she's going to do with a B.S. in psychology either, but I am confident she will figure that out.

[labluething.livejournal.com]

Figuring that out seems to be to be kind of the point of higher education - I mean, pretty much any B.A./B.S. degree won't just get you a career handed to you, you either have to continue school, self-study or apply it creatively somehow along with other talents. And forging ahead when the path is maybe a little unclear is def. a lot harder when there are people already 'concerned' about your failure before you've even started, sheesh.

[bunnyjadwiga.livejournal.com]

Well, a B.S. in psychology is more marketable than a BS in, say, Classical Studies. Or English.

[randomdreams.livejournal.com]

Good for Mungo! Did he ever pursue the homemade instruments ideas he was on about around Christmas?

[boxofdelights]

He's still planning on that as his Personal Project, which IBers do in 10th grade, but Neal is hoping to interest him in this:
http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/03/birdmonitors/

[randomdreams.livejournal.com]

Gotta say that's a pretty cool project.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

That's awesome, both of them! :D

I don't think I'll ever forget the day that, after okoshun and I decided to move to Toronto and seek jobs in order to be closer to her father, who had terminal cancer, my mother, at a gathering of both of our families, opened the conversation with, "So, did you hear that epi_lj dropped out of school?" (Worth noting: "Dropped out of school," in this context means having only received a Bachelor of Science with Honours and not continuing on to a PhD. I have the lowest education level of my siblings, but even my sister, who went into industry after getting her Masters, received similar remarks from my mother.)

[rozasharn.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on both your kids' achievements. And an extra "Wow!" for Nixie; I did not find my direction until much later in life.
As long as Nixie's aiming for a job in the for-profit sector, she should be fine; the only bad things I hear about grad school are when it's aimed at tenure-track jobs. Neurobiologist sounds like she should make an excellent living.
And sympathies on your mom's behavior.

[pyrzqxgl.livejournal.com]

Some people just can't open their mouths without saying something to yank your chain. :-(

Congratulations to your kids, though!

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Wow, no comment about your mom, but your kids (continue to) sound amazing, and they're lucky to have you to stand up for and be proud of them!

[bunnyjadwiga.livejournal.com]

Hurray for Mungo and Nixie.
Boot to the Head for your mother.

[toad-hall.livejournal.com]

congratulations to both (well esp the music award, since that is dear to me)

boo to your mother.

[pennski.livejournal.com]

Congratulations to both of them.

[carbonel]

I don't often feel the urge to play yenta, but I wonder if Nixie and my nephew Gabriel, who's a neuroscience major, would have things in common to talk about.

He's on my mind lately because (speaking of naches) he just got a scholarship to develop a music mentoring program.