You know what I hate?

[boxofdelights]

what I really really hate? Is when people who mean "I want you to" say "You need to".

Don't do that. Please. Don't.

Comments

[laughingrat]

HA! Yes.

[maevele.livejournal.com]

so, youhave been talking to my mother in law?

[beaq.livejournal.com]

If I ever do that to you, out of thoughtlessness, please punch or bite me. I suspect the usage might have crept into my brain, though I can't recall doing it. I do so hate it.

[boxofdelights]

Will do.

[boxofdelights]

Is your MiL a teacher? I've heard that locution from all over, but I think it started with teachers, because of course a teacher knows better than a child what that child needs.

[lookfar.livejournal.com]

I remember, in my artisanal childrearing days, being very careful of that. We all felt that it was disrespectful to the child since WE were the ones that needed something.

MoM: You need to gather up your cars because we are going home.

Kid (thinks): Oh, no, I need to keep playing with my cars right here in the sand box. You must be thinking of someone else's needs.

But for most people, I think it's just a verbal habit and meaningless.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

But for most people, I think it's just a verbal habit and meaningless.

Meaningless...right up until you run into somebody who's had so much of it that they don't realize that you're saying "I need" because no, really, you need!

(Not that it absolves them, of course, from paying attention or absolves you--general, obviously, "you"--from making yourself clear. But can be a frustrating disconnect.)

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

It's not just small-scale interpersonal. A very quick googling turns up criminals need to be punished (http://www.allouttabubblegum.com/main/?p=3309).

[redbird]

I try not to, but there's a lot of it in the linguistic/cultural environment, as well as cases where it's defensible: for example, "You need to call your doctor" when the person addressed is an adult who has been discussing symptoms and/or said they want specific medical care.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid they just will, though.

I was much struck, on a reread of Howard's End, by language about the dangerous people who never learned to say "I."

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Which suggests to me that the denotation and connotation aren't exactly matched. I do think it's defensible as a commonly-understood shortcut for something along the lines of "in order for this to happen, this other thing needs to happen, which, if it is going to happen, is something you would do or experience". OTOH, so is the universal "he" comonly understood to mean "he and she", so. So.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I agree. I've even ranted about it on occasion.

[saluqi.livejournal.com]

One of my hot buttons is people who say "do you want to?" when asking for something that requires some kind of effort or sacrifice.

Especially if it is a spouse or family member saying "do you want to [do unpleasant thing]", and even more especially if you're being interrupted with the request while doing something else you are focussed on.

I would far rather someone say "do you mind cleaning up the dog vomit, I don't think I can without hurling" than saying "do you want to clean up the dog vomit". I mean, who wants to clean up dog vomit...

[boxofdelights]

Word. I've argued this with my partner often enough that now, if I chirp, "No, thank you!" to the offer of dog vomit, he knows that I mean, "If you want me to do something for you, acknowledge that you're asking me to do something for you."

[boxofdelights]

I must read that.

[boxofdelights]

He still says "Are you going to" when he means "Please", though. I hate that.