bad news

[boxofdelights]

I got voicemail from my mom. (Chris is my brother, Jack is my dad, Vickydali is my dad's cousin.) Mom passed on some info about Chris's kids, then said, "...and I just talked to Chris, and Jack has been in the hospital, your dad, since Saturday, and Chris doesn't know how he's going to be, whether he'll get out of it or not. He seems to have quite a bad infection. He's got a septicemia and the flu, and they're doing a lot of tests on him, and Chris is spending a lot of time at the hospital with him. So, I told him that I would call you, and that he should call Vickydali and tell her, and he's been in the hospital for about five days, since Saturday, so he hasn't been doing too well since then but he's still lucid when he's awake but he;s in quite a bit of pain. And if I hear more, I'll let you know, honey. Chris is going to call me tomorrow again I think. So call me whenever you get a chance. Bye bye, sweetie. I love you. Bye bye."

I don't even know how I feel. The first time I listened to the message I thought maybe I should go to Seattle to say goodbye. But that's crazy. I haven't seen my dad since I was fourteen. And he stopped talking to me the year before that: he said that I had been changing, that he felt like a moved in and taken over my body, that he wanted his daughter back, but until I turned back into his daughter I was not to speak to him. And I never changed back! The monster is me.

Comments

[lilysea]

And he stopped talking to me the year before that: he said that I had been changing, that he felt like a moved in and taken over my body, that he wanted his daughter back, but until I turned back into his daughter I was not to speak to him.

Wow, what a horrible thing for a parent to say to a child! :(

I'm sorry. :(

[loligo]

Wishing you peace with whatever you decide to do. And as a parent, I'm trying to imagine what that would be like -- to feel entitled to simply demand that your children be whom you expected them to be… and it's just inconceivable.

[malkingrey]

It certainly doesn't sound to me like a relationship that merits uprooting yourself from home and trekking to Seattle for. Presumably, if he'd wanted to resume contact, he had more than just a few years to do it in before now.

[bibliofile]

Well hell, that's fucked up in so many ways, I wouldn't know where to start. Your mom says all that in a voicemail?! *facepalm*

Weirdly, my dad pulled a similar stunt with my brother: stopped being a parent to the kid-who-was suddenly, when my brother was twelve. But wow, telling you that you were possessed by a monster and YOU weren't to speak to HIM?! So he's the grownup and the parent, and yet he puts the burden -- including the effort of not speaking to him -- on you, the kid? Holy MF crap. Sometimes I want a time machine just to go back and smack people for pulling stupid shit like this.

You have SO MANY options. This is your last chance to interact with him in any way. What do you want to do with that? Last chance to say anything you like to him, and the last chance to interact with him on any level. Last chance for him to acknowledge that he fucked up -- or NOT. So many worms, such a big can.

Take care of yourself first. Everybody needs treats and love and people being nice to them. And the option of choosing your own needs over some abusive person who shat on your adolescent self.

[petra]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. As the other commenters have said, try to decide what's best for you. The man who might be dying wrote you off a long time ago, and if you need closure, that's your prerogative. If you've already found closure, then you have what you need.

[snippy]

This. Do the thing that serves you, regardless of anyone else's needs. I think you deserve to take whatever you need from this.

[jinian]

I agree completely.

[wild_irises]

This.

[watersword]

Oh jesus fucking christ. This is the voicemail I dread getting (well, I mean, my mom would know not to leave a voicemail, I haven't listened to my voicemail since 2005, but otherwise).

Yeah. Take care of you first. I hope you have lots of people around to hug you and say they love you.

[redbird]

It's not my decision, obviously, but in your shoes I wouldn't go to Seattle unless I both had something I wanted to say to him, and thought I could make him sit there and listen to it.

[silveradept]

Seems like a distance chat, if you desire one, is best, so as not to shell out money to see someone who doesn't want to see you.

[seascribble]

Well, anybody who takes themselves out of your life like that ceases to be owed anything from you, ever. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I hope it isn't too draining or traumatic. *hugs*

[wordweaverlynn]

It's your choice whether to see him or speak with him. You don't owe him anything.

You might examine what you're hoping for if you do decide to go -- and how likely it is you'll get it.

[emceeaich]

I'm sorry, this is not an easy place to be in.