creating a social persona

[boxofdelights]

In a friends-locked post, someone asked for advice on creating a social persona to mediate between her self and the world. I wrote

I built one through a lot of reading. The most immediately-useful construction materials came from Miss Manners. Miss Manners has a lot of privileges that she is not aware of, but people who are willing to explain things before I get them wrong as opposed to just punishing me afterwards (and expecting me to figure it out from there) are really hard to find.

Do you have any suggestions?

Comments

[jesse_the_k]

I find Capt Awkward helpful — after decades of therapy the Awkward Army has helped me understand and deploy "boundaries."

CaptainAwkward.com

[badgerbag]

+1 for Captain Awkward!! More like Captain Consciousness Raising!

[marahmarie]

I raised myself on Miss Manners, read her newspaper column every time it ran from the time I was very little - maybe just six or seven? - until my mid-thirties or so. There's a lot to be said - especially in our society - for having decorum, diplomacy, and knowing which fork to stab your salad with in more formal settings. She's great for that sort of thing. That said, I don't think manners alone can give you a well-rounded persona but I wish your friend luck in coming up with the best answer on that, since I know what it feels like to want to keep parts of your personality separate from your online presence. I've tried continuing my education in politesse with Emily Post but it's not the same...she seems to have adjusted her advice to be so "modern" that it's not really advice anymore, it just follows many of the de facto social standards these days, some which I suspect would not seem too kosher to Miss Manners at all.

[wild_irises]

I am not a huge fan of them myself, but I think Suzette Haden Elgin's Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense books could be useful here.

[badgerbag]

They have quite a lot of useful stuff but you have to sort of extract it.