how to be

Tawanda book group didn't meet last month, so Martha suggested last Sunday that we just get together, whoever was free. We couldn't agree on a movie but Sarah was doing Geeks Who Drink trivia with her friends and invited us along. Our team was Sarah, Martha, me, and Sarah's two friends, who turned out to be two guys she knows from the Sierra Club who play pub trivia a lot. Like, three times a week.

It was fun, so we went back this week, and Martha brought her husband. Martha and Rob are both really nice. Genuinely nice; that is who they are. I am nice at book group because that is what works at book group. I am gentle and diffident; I speak in support of others' points; I do not talk over people; I do not insist that I am right.

Sarah's friends are engineer-types. Guys I could have gone to school with. They know in their heads that even a soft-voiced woman may know things, but they don't really know it in their guts. I had to swing my weight around to get heard. "Rapunzel. Yes, the herb is called rapunzel. Yes, I'm sure. Do you have another idea? Then write it down. Solomon Islands. Dorothy Parker. Train in Vain. Yes I'm sure."

I'm not sure I like being like that in front of Martha and Rob though.