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I fail at Wiscon.
May. 28th, 2011 04:03 pmJust briefly. I will be brave and cheerful again soon.
I ducked out of "Vids with Something to Say" because whatever they had to say I couldn't hear it, because I let shyness push me into the second row of chairs, and then the projector showed up, and moved some of the front-row chairs out of line, so I could no longer see two of the panelists. There was still an open seat at the far end of the front row, but I couldn't find enough courage to walk in front of the projector to get to it.
So now I am full of contempt for myself, for making a bad decision, for not being brave enough to fix it, for needing to cry, for letting myself whine about the whole thing here. Please don't tell me not to feel that way. I know I shouldn't feel that way. Telling myself that I have no reason to feel the way I feel does not reduce the self-contempt. Oddly enough.
I ducked out of "Vids with Something to Say" because whatever they had to say I couldn't hear it, because I let shyness push me into the second row of chairs, and then the projector showed up, and moved some of the front-row chairs out of line, so I could no longer see two of the panelists. There was still an open seat at the far end of the front row, but I couldn't find enough courage to walk in front of the projector to get to it.
So now I am full of contempt for myself, for making a bad decision, for not being brave enough to fix it, for needing to cry, for letting myself whine about the whole thing here. Please don't tell me not to feel that way. I know I shouldn't feel that way. Telling myself that I have no reason to feel the way I feel does not reduce the self-contempt. Oddly enough.