baggage

[boxofdelights]

When I moved out of my husband's house I didn't take most of my books with me; my new house was going to need a lot of work to be habitable, so it didn't make sense to fill it up with heavy bookcases.

Most of them are here now, but they are still trickling in, a box at a time, as I make space for them. I didn't sort them and pack them, so it's always a surprise, usually a pleasant one. Today I got a box of relationship books.

I have one bookcase for what I think of as "interpersonal": psychology, parenting, teaching. Miss Manners is there too. The bottom shelf is half-empty, but this box has too many books to fit on it. So I should weed them, right?

I don't want to. Just looking at the covers is making me remember the time when I read all those books, when I was trying to be in a relationship. I don't want to crack those covers and let the memory of misery back out, in this new house that belongs to me alone.

I read the other books in that bookcase at the same time-- trying to be happy, trying to be a good parent, trying to do the work-- but they don't carry the same feelings. I could read through any of them and decide whether I wanted to keep it.

I don't want to consign the whole box to Little Free Libraries unlooked-at. I do want to look through them... later.

Comments

[lcohen]

is this something where a friend could help? remotely, if i were that friend, but not alone if you didn't want to be alone while looking at them, in any case.

[boxofdelights]

That is a good idea!

[sonia]

My sympathies for the flinching-away from the misery of past efforts. May the pain ease and the books become more neutral again.

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.

Keepsakes are a legitimate use of space too.

[kathmandu]

Some things we keep for practical reasons, some things we keep as touchstones for memories. And you don't have to keep each subject area of your book collection to a particular size, you just need to fit the entire book collection into the entire book-space available.

Re: Keepsakes are a legitimate use of space too.

[boxofdelights]

That is true. I think the box is taking up more space in my mind than actual physical space.

[seascribble]

stacks of books in boxes indeterminately is perfectly valid. I've moved 7 times in the last four years and if this is valid for me it is certainly valid for someone staying in one spot.

[boxofdelights]

Seven times! That is a lot of times.

[seascribble]

It has been suggested that it's a maladaptive coping mechanism. Just keep your boxes in one place as long as you want.

[hobbitbabe]

I feel this. I almost never give away old books without re-reading them first and being glad to re-encounter them, whether or not I choose to keep them. But the shelf of relationship books that I bought because people on alt.poly recommended them and I wanted them to fix things ... I didn't think I'd ever want to re-live those feelings so out they went.

It is quite possible we had some of the same ones.

[boxofdelights]

I noticed Against Love in that box. I think that came from alt.poly. Did you read that one?

[glaurung]

Nothing wrong with putting that box aside until you are ready to look at the books and decide what to do with them. Also nothing wrong with leaving some books in boxes for weeks, months, or years because you don’t have the room/the brainspace/the emotional bandwidth for dealing with them.

[lunabee34]

I completely agree.

[boxofdelights]

*hugs*

[boxofdelights]

Thank you.