I didn't answer right away, partly because it's an interesting big question, and partly because I'm reluctant to write anything that might seem like criticism or ganging-up on a friend, and in particular I didn't like the idea of seeming to side with your husband against you, in a venue where he might see it.

But I remind myself that you are not me, and you asked. Like lookfar, I do sometimes wish that you would respond to what I wrote, because without it I worry that I'm being too pushy or inappropriate, and because I would like to be closer friends with you. You write about really personal hard stuff sometimes, and it's good to hear that you appreciate our responses and don't take offence at our well-meaning intrusions.

On the other hand, I remain ridiculously flattered years later by the fact that you called a comment of mine "insightful" in 2003 and went to the trouble of re-posting it.

I like you a lot. I will keep reading your journal and commenting, whether or not you ever comment on mine or respond to my comments. And I'll keep doing my best not to say hurtful or pushy things.