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The Fourfold Vision spread offers a progression of different ways of looking at an object, person, or situation. It is a powerful tool for gaining deeper insight into the specific subjects of other readings.

The card on the far right represents the object being viewed, be it an idea, relationship, or the self. The Star, when reversed: Lost hopes, doubt and failure. Physical health and mental outlook lost in the outer darkness. Desperation leading to blind faith in false solutions.

The card second from the right represents the physical vision: how the object is seen at a base or mechanical level. Eight of Pentacles (Prudence): Dedicating yourself fully to a task. Learning a new craft or skill. Applying painstaking attention to detail. Industriousness and the efficient completion of tasks. Sticking with a project long enough to see it through.

The card in the middle represents the mental vision: the object personified and seen through a humanized perspective. The Hierophant: Faith in tradition and the old school. A justified and ancient source of power. Being supportive, sympathetic and loyal. Receiving instructions, learning, guidance or inspiration. The ability to hear a higher or inner voice. May also indicate a religious ritual, such as a marriage or an initiation.

The card second from the left represents the emotional vision: how passions and values are creatively stimulated by the mental vision. Four of Pentacles (Power), when reversed: Using your power freely for your own enjoyment and the betterment of others. Coming to grips with progress and using your position to help it along. Finding security and identity someplace other than in the possession of material things. Letting go and encouraging others to find their own path. Being magnanimous and generous with your success.

The card on the far left represents the fourfold or mystical vision: still viewing through the previous three, we now add a spiritual element, revealing unseen aspects of the object. Judgement: A swift and conclusive decision. The resolution of a matter long unanswered. A change in point of view, most frequently towards greater enlightenment. Final balancing of karma.
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Gutted a bunny. Skinned a silky chicken, but had to sit down and let Neal gut it. Not squeamish, just unfed and underslept. Mornings at the raptor center are pretty nice.
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I appreciated that The Good Wife portrayed a person with auditory processing disorder, but I was surprised that it disqualified him from jury duty. When I was called for jury duty, the judge told us that the ADA required him to make reasonable accommodation to allow everyone to serve. The accommodation that juror needed did not look unreasonable: he appeared to function just fine when he could see and hear you talking.

Do the lawyers know which juror is the alternate? I did not know that. The jurors don't get to know, because they're afraid the alternate won't take the duty seriously.


Got to go to bed. I'm doing a.m. treatments at the raptor center tomorrow. Neal's going to pick me up at ten to seven. A.M. In the morning.
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The birds at the raptor center live outside, even in the well-below-zero temps we had last week. They're wild animals, they're evolved for it! Not the Swainson's hawks, though. The ones we're overwintering were not happy about missing their deadline for the trip to Argentina. They are very well-nourished right now, though, because they exhibit hyperphagia in spring and fall to prepare for their 14,000 mile migration, so they have the calories to burn.

One of the American kestrels got the first stage of frostbite in her armpit. That area doesn't have good feather coverage, since it can normally be covered by the wing, but this bird has some nerve damage that makes her right wing droop. She's inside now, in one of the hospital cages, to recover, and we're trying to figure out how to keep her warm at night when she moves back out.

Aiko is shedding his summer coat, so I got to use my new Furminator. It was very windy today. Literalized the metaphor of "blowing coat".
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A thing I did not know about [personal profile] kaberett's it's a love meme is that screening comments would make comment notifications not work. But that is okay, because I before I put my name up I asked myself, "Self, if you ask for reassurance and nobody answers, are you going to be okay?" and I answered myself, "Yep." But I got all these wonderful comments, from old friends and new friends and a complete stranger!

I'm watching Take This Waltz again. It's even better the second time. Free (but not ad-free) on Hulu for one more day.
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I went to story swap! I had a story! I put my name in the pitcher! My name did not come out of the pitcher.

Which is okay, because my story was kind of a mess. I like telling stories that look like they're going to be a mess, like I'm handing you a codfish and a bicycle wheel and Euclid's fifth postulate, but at the end you see how they all fit together!

This story had a theme, which was that telling the story of a traumatic event is healing, but the fish and the postulate did not come together to support that theme. They went to the place of Things People Actually Say to a woman who has just lost a baby and stayed there, because I can make Things People Actually Say funny, and I love making people laugh. It is the best.

Next time I will be less scared!

The Frame

Nov. 18th, 2014 11:46 pm
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I just saw The Frame with my husband and his girlfriend. Very beautiful, and strange, and relevant to the interests of anyone who has loved a tv show so much that it became real. See it if you get the chance.

I liked seeing it without knowing anything about it, but there is a trailer available here: http://double-edge-films.myshopify.com/pages/trailers

It made me think of The Velveteen Rabbit, of course. And the Laurie Anderson song where Laurie sees God, and
she was making it all up
and she was writing it all down
and she was laughing

And I said Hey!
Give me that pen!
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Just finished Elisabeth Sanxay Holding's The Blank Wall, based on this review by [personal profile] skygiants, which tells you everything you need to decide whether you want to read this book. I will add that I was disappointed in the plot-resolution device, but it was entirely worth it for the vivid, precise depictions of the racism and sexism that constrained the protagonist and her housekeeper. I got it through Interlibrary Loan, in a double with The Innocent Mrs Duff, and hoped to read that too, but I had to return it in order to read

The Shining Girls, by Lauren Beukes, for book group. I was tempted when everyone else was reading it because everyone else said it was really well-written, but turned off because everyone else said it was really horrific. Both those things turned out to be true.

Next up, Americanah, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, for my other book group.
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the beautiful sex flush on her chest last night.

The Good Wife really gets female desire. I mean, I don't feel any attraction to any of the men on that show, but I believe that the women do.
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The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. Judgement: A swift and conclusive decision. The resolution of a matter long unanswered. A change in point of view, most frequently towards greater enlightenment. Final balancing of karma.

The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Four of Swords (Truce), when reversed: Restlessness and mental disharmony. Deserting a struggle in progress. A temporary retreat from stress that turns into a permanent rout. A lack of vigilance that could lead to disaster.

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. Two of Swords (Peace), when reversed: Indecision due to contradictory characteristics brought together. Tension in the aftermath of a quarrel that has been resolved. Scheming, abuse of trust, and agreements made in bad faith. Allowing the mind to block off the emotions. Self deception as a means of justifying cruel acts.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. Death, when reversed: Stagnation or petrifaction. The refusal to let go of the past. Resistance to change because of fear.

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. The High Priestess: A pure, exalted and gracious influence. Education, knowledge, wisdom, and esoteric teachings. The forces of nature. Intuition, foresight, and spiritual revelation of the most mysterious and arcane sort.

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Two of Wands (Dominion): Established power and influence over others. Setting goals and a vision for the future. Coming to grips with the impact of past decisions, considering the current state of affairs, and developing a plan of action. Responsible leadership.

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. The Fool, when reversed: Apathy, negligence, and dangerous carelessness. Unquenchable wanderlust. Obsession with someone or something. Losing all sense of proportion. Foolhardy adventuring and lack of interest in critical matters. Immature or unrealistic ideals. Strange impulses and desires coming from unexpected sources. Vanity, delirium, folly, and oblivion.

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. Nine of Swords (Cruelty), when reversed: Mental anguish or ill health endured and overcome. Refusal to be dragged down by the dishonor of others. Attempting to avert a shameful or regrettable act. Faithfulness, patience and unselfishness. May indicate the narrow avoidance of a death or other catastrophic loss.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Four of Cups (Luxury): Being surrounded by love and devotion but taking it for granted. Ignoring the real and longing for the indefinable. Apathy and disengagement from the world. Dissatisfaction with the condition and direction of affairs, but the inability to accept new opportunities.

The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. Three of Swords (Sorrow), when reversed: Unsettling news that helps you to distance yourself from a destructive relationship. Painfully honest communication that needs to take place. Not letting yourself be dragged by your emotions into a negative situation. A trust or confidence betrayed in an attempt to help someone in need. The revelation of a painful truth.
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Sleep schedule keeps drifting further out of alignment with the people I live among. I need to do a morning treatment to finish my traineeship at the raptor center, but they start at 7:30 and I can't. I pry myself out of bed, nauseated, at 9, and sit up drinking tea, hoping that not having had enough sleep will make it easier to go to bed the next night.

Having a lot of bad dreams. Like, I'm living with wolves instead of dogs, and my baby has disappeared. He isn't a baby-baby, more like two or three, and there isn't any blood or screaming, but he's gone, and I'm searching, yelling, "Simon! Where are you? Make some noise!" and wondering why I thought it was okay to let these wolves live in my house.

(My baby has in fact gone, but in a good way. And he skyped me for help with physics just before the wolf dream, so I have recent reassurance that he is safe.)


My local art cinema has posted:
The Lyric is very excited to announce that in November we will be hosting our very first Story Swap event. Story Swap is a time to gather together and share life experiences with each other. Each event (which we hope to hold every-other month) we will choose a theme for you to come prepared for. If you bring a story and submit your name to share, you just might be one of the names called! Story sharers will receive a special prize for being open and willing to share.


Our first theme is simple: Good Times, Bad Times. Maybe you have a story of complete joy and hilarity, or maybe your story is about the most difficult period of your life. As long as it is centered on the theme, we want you to bring it! Please make sure your story is under 10 minutes.
I think I should do this.
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Today I did a shift at the raptor center without Neal. My inability to ask a stranger for what I need is pathetic.

There's a computer where volunteers have to check in and out. When I got there, someone was sitting at that computer, entering data from a stack of papers. I waited politely. She looked up at me at one point, with a why are you standing at my elbow? face, but then picked up the next sheet and went back to typing in the data. So I gave up. I never checked in.

This is the first shift I've done with the E1 crew, who take care of some of the educational birds. (Educational birds are too damaged to ever be released, but tolerant enough of humans and of captivity to have a good quality of life attracting people and money to the raptor center.) There were two trainees on this shift. Trainees have to be supervised at all times, and of course we do everything slower than people who know what they're doing, but you have to give the trainees the chance to practice even when you're a bit behind and you could do it in a quarter of the time, so this shift ran really long. Towards the end, I finished writing up case notes while Leah, who had been supervising me, went off to get something else done. I waited politely for Heidi, who had also been supervising me earlier, to finish writing up her case notes, to ask if there was anything else I should do. She told me to read back the EASO (Eastern Screech Owl) and clean its cage. (You read the treatment plan and the previous seven days' case notes before you interact with a bird.) Then the other trainee came in and Heidi told her she could leave if she wanted. My feet and back hurt a lot; I had already cleaned an American Kestrel, a Peregrine Falcon, a Great Horned Owl, and a Barn Owl; I wanted to turn the EASO over to the other trainee and go home to eat dinner and watch Orphan Black with Neal, but I couldn't ask, even though the other trainee was not jumping at the chance to leave.

So I cleaned the EASO. Writing up the case notes I discovered that I was so tired I couldn't remember anything about how the bird had acted while I was in the cage. Then I just sat. I couldn't leave until I got Leah or Heidi to check off that I had done an E1 shift, but I couldn't bring myself to interrupt them. Carrie saw me and asked, "Are you okay? You look--"

"Tired," I said. "I'm just waiting for Leah to sign my handbook." And this hurt even more than my feet and my back: the humiliation of being too tired to do any work but too... shy or whatever to ask for what I needed in order to leave.

"Okay," said Carrie. "If you need anything, you can always ask me."


That osprey I mentioned last time got released. May it be many years before we see its leg band again.

the cut

Sep. 17th, 2014 02:35 am
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Just sent mail to my daughter:
Cut almost 100 words. Mostly adverbs. Sorry, adverbs.

Young women use a lot of adverbs.

Context is that Nixie is applying for a grant for next year. Her project proposal and personal statement must be no more than 500 words each. They are 700-800 words each. She is too stressed by writing them to be able to see where to cut.

I used to have an image from the endnotes of a scanlation of the first volume of Kaoru Mori's Emma: Kaoru Mori's editor keeps pointing out things that could be cut, and she keeps exclaiming, "But that's the most important part!" I loved that! In the translation that got published in English, she says instead, "But that's very important!" Maybe that is a more accurate translation but it isn't as good.
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I went out to dinner tonight, which I don't usually do on Fridays because it is busy, and it was busy, so I sat at the bar. I usually read at dinner, but the bar was not well lit. There was no one to my left, fortunately (that's my deaf ear). To my right was a child and her mother. When my food came the woman asked what I had ordered, since it smelled so good. We talked about food, theirs and mine. She said she was just telling her daughter how important presentation was; the daughter had turned in a report that was just a mess! I asked the child what grade she was in and agreed that in fourth grade, teachers' expectations really level up.

The child asked the waiter whether he liked crystals, and showed him a crystal she found on the playground. I asked if I could see it too. From that point on the three of us were chatting. I had told the waiter that my son had left for college, since that is what I say these days when people ask how I am, so the woman asked where, and we talked about where we had lived and what we liked about their climates. We talked about math, and educational philosophy, and what we were reading. And when I left, the woman asked me my name, gave me hers, and her phone number, and urged me to call if I was bored or wanted to get a coffee. She said she was really interested in talking to me again.

I can do being charming for a short time -- obviously, since I just did it -- but it is exhausting. I enjoy this kind of conversation while I'm having it, but afterwards, I never want to talk to anyone again. And I certainly can't call her: I feel like such a faker. Not that I said anything that isn't true, but-- that was as much as I usually talk in a week. I am too embarrassed to tell you how high my blood pressure was.

Do you ever feel like this? How do you cope?
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There's an osprey at the raptor center. It is eating, which is a very good sign, since most injured ospreys just don't. They have to be tease-fed or force-fed. It came in with a spinal injury, so its prospects for release are not great.

Do you say ospree or ospray? I have always heard ospree, but everyone at the raptor center says ospray. I wonder whether they are influenced by the 'prey' in Birds of Prey.

As I was cleaning a Great Horned Owl (GHOW) cage, I kept referring to the bird as "she" even though I don't know her sex. I couldn't figure it out from her case file, either. I did figure out that the gender neutral pronoun people use for birds is "bird". They'll often leave out the pronoun and write sentences like, "Bird was on A-frame when I entered the cage. Watched calmly while I cleaned," but when they need a pronoun they usually don't use "it" or "he" or "she", they write, "When I moved too close, bird flew to SE corner, missed the perch, stayed on the ground the rest of the time I was in the cage."

postcard

Sep. 3rd, 2014 09:19 pm
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I got a postcard from [personal profile] seascribe today! It is from Montreal, a view of the Old Port and downtown, from her recent trip to Canada. I think the fall colors in the background must be the Mont Royal Park, but I am not familiar enough with Montreal to identify images. Mungo says his dorm backs up to Mont Royal. The house feels empty, emptier and stranger than I had thought. I don't know how to shop! I buy delicious foods and three days later they are still here! Mungo and I were in Montreal for only a short time last fall, and ate many delicious foods but not poutine. According to Ray Kowalski, in this epistolary fic which is also from [personal profile] scribe and [personal profile] seascribe's trip to Canada, that was a mistake.

I am still attempting to post every day in September, even though my first day spilled over into the second. I thought I had lots of ideas but I keep blanking. Got any suggestions?
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This evening I went to hear Peter Sokolowski talk at the library:
Join us at Old Town Library from 7:00-8:00pm on August 19th for one part sociology, one part word nerdery. Peter Sokolowski, Editor at Large at Merriam-Webster, will present "The Dictionary as Data: What the Online Dictionary Tells Us About English". He'll discuss how dictionary use changes over time, and how it reflects the politics and culture of the world around us.

He's a delight to listen to. He talks really fast, which is useful, because he has a lot to say. He gave brief highlights of dictionary history, and talked about his job, and why the M-W Collegiate Dictionary is free online, and why the M-W Unabridged is no longer printed (it's too big.) Mostly he talked about interesting things he learns from monitoring which words are most frequently looked-up: http://www.merriam-webster.com/popular-words/index.htm
He can tell when people are watching Bill O'Reilly. He can tell when people are playing Scrabble. He showed us graphs of how particular words' look-ups jumped immediately after particular events. Immediately after 9/11, the most frequent words were "rubble" and "triage". Later, they were "jingoism" and "terrorism". A few days later, they were "surreal" and "succumb". He said that a tragedy always causes a jump in "surreal".

That part ended at 7:30 on the dot. Then he started taking questions: more dictionary history, more about his day-to-day job, what it means to be a radical descriptivist. That stretched fifteen minutes past the hour, even though he talks really fast. He reminded me of [livejournal.com profile] randomdreams in that I got the feeling I could literally ask him anything, and he would have something fascinating to say about it.

I don't know how often he does things like this: he's on vacation, and one of our librarians is an old friend of his from college. But if you like word nerdery, and you get the chance to listen to him, take it!

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